It stops now. After more than ten years of my own recovery from childhood and adolescent sexual abuse and acquaintance rape I find that my beloved daughter has been abused as well. How could this have happened right under my nose, despite my hyper vigilance? Never again.

We are prosecuting and in doing so I hope to finally end the tragic legacy of sexual assault victimization that has apparently been handed down from my mother, to me, to my daughter.

Hi!
I recently came across your website today, and I must say that I find it very comforting and reassuring!!! I am a survivor, and have been in recovery for many years now. I know that I am not the only survivor in the world, but I have to admit that I have days when I feel like I am.
It's nice to know that I can come here to your site, and find comfort and encouragement, and the realization that I am not alone!!!

Thanks for the support.8-0

This message is to Larry. I tried to send a message to the email you posted, but it didn't go through. Hopefully you will find the message here:
Hi Larry...
My heart goes out to you. Living with abuse and incest can be paralyzing. There are so many people out there that are feeling without hope, without light.
I want you to know that you are not alone. There are so many who have been where you are, and they have made it from surviving to thriving!
Things that helped me, and that I know have helped others:
join a group. I know that there are male survivors/thrivers out there. you are more than welcome to join the BTI group. The activity level has gone down, but I know people check in to see if anyone is there to talk to. I also think I have a link to a website for male abuse survivors. It is something that would probably be helpful...if not just to link up with others that have walked through that pain.
reach out to others. One thing that really helped me was reaching out to those who needed help. It wasn't necessarily within the abuse circle that I reached out...but others that struggled with different issues. I know one place I found myself was on a website for a little girl who had cancer. I guess in reading her story, her struggle and journey, I was able to appreciate the fact that I had 'life'...and appreciate the joy that surrounded me every day (yet too often I couldn't see it because of the darkness surrounding me) The little girl really helped me to embrace joy...because she was embracing joy...despite the fact that she had pain and an unknown future.
Another thing that I did that helped me, I would write down 5 'gratitudes' every day. They could never be the same, and I made the commitment to do them every day. This helped shift my focus into positive things that were in my life in the 'here and now'. I had a friend that I exchanged these with...which was essential...it held me accountable, and she would send 5 to me also...which was nice to see what she had come up with. There were days where it was a struggle to come up with 1, let alone 5, but other days I couldn't stop at 5. The important thing was not repeating the same ones...ever :)
The last thing that helped me was to find good books. There are a lot of good books on healing out there. I personally made myself work through the Courage to Heal book. I made a commitment to do the 'activities' at the end of the chapters before moving on to the next chapter. It took me quite awhile to get through the book (because I was 'unwillinhg' to do the exercises at times...but finally did them to move on to the next chapter). It really made a difference. I am sure that there are books for male survivors, but I do think that The Courage to Heal would be of some help to you. I have other books listed on my resources page...feel free to look over the list.
I hope that this helps in some way. I also hope that you won't ever give up, but that you will find joy and light...and that you will go from surviving to thriving. I know you will!
Sincerely,
Ty (Terra)

Hello. I'm a 48 year old male survivor of childhood sexual abuse/incest. I am finding it difficult to maintain full-time work after my PTSD and other manifestations get in the way - since 2003. I've been suicidal in 1999-2000 and then again in 2003 and in both times required hospitalisation. I feel I have made much progress in that I no longer want to suicide when symptoms occur.
I don't want to just be a survivor though. I want my ability returned to me. I want not only to survive but to THRIVE. Any ideas???

What a great tool for those in need. Hope is a key to wellness for people of all ages, circumstance. :-!

hi there
on the book resources, you list dan allendar's book. however, if someone is a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender person, i think his book brings harm because of his religious belief that homosexuality is a violation of his understanding of God's love. i hope a Christian struggling with sexual abuse and orientation will find healing that is not homophobic.

Hi,
This is a lovely site.
However, please be aware that the "Incest Survivors Aftereffects Checkllist" that you offer was developed by me in 1984. It is the basis of my book, SECRET SURVIVORS (Ballantine, 1991). I am happy to share this Checklist with survivors at no cost--I always have--but proper credit and a release of copyright must be obtained. Please contact me immediately so we can discuss this.
I can be reached at esue@esueblume.com.:-?:-0:-0

Thank you for this site. A great gesture by you. I have rescued people all my professional working life of 20 years and I now find that I need to be rescued in a way. I feel so selfish saying that when in fact it is my darling girlfriend who needs rescuing as she takes her very first steps into dealing with a 30 year secret of father/daughter incest that has recently sabotaged our relationship. I am trying to have complete faith in her and I intend being her rock whether she likes it or not.
Thank you again as this site has allowed me to talk with people I would never have come into contact with and now I am off to purchase "The Courage to Heal" in the next town. Amazing as there were only 4 books in our State! Now that is fate! Good fate.
Most kind thoughts to you and everyone!

Inspiring site, very thoughtfully written, please keep it up, so many need the support and understanding you offer.

A truly wonderful site. I am impressed! Terra, you are a great woman.

Wow. The poem by Becca is amazing. It's just perfect. It hits the mark.
Hazel

The poem about the truth or dare. I'd rather do the truth, because once you start everyone expects it of you.

your pages have been so helpful to me. thank you so much.
sincerely,
Hazel

Wow. I loved the poem that your husband Brian made. It was very good and well written.
You Have been very good to him I'm sure.

(oceanside, ca) what a beautiful humanbeing you turned out to be!
i am the father of a 19 year old girl. she has been sexualy abused, emotionaly abused. she has depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and finds it hard to deal with the world on a day to day basis.
we met for the first time just a few months ago. i love my daughter more than my own life. what can i do? right now she has no source of professional help.
also, i would love to send her the "just for you" presentation. how can i get it? thank you so much!

thank you for these pages, i am going to share them with my other survivor friends, and visit often as i can

Allan,
Thank you so much for this place, and for all the work...and the enormous heart...that you put into this place. You are an incredible person, and I am blessed to have someone who shares my passion and dedicates their time and energy to such a cause...
May you be blessed abundantly...
Love,
Terra

I am married to the love of my life, she is a survivor of c/s/a. I am trying to help her, we have been husband and wife for twenty years, yet we are on the verge of divorce, I love her dearly. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. God Bless.

I am a survivor of incest. My father abused me for 6 yrs..my teen years.
He stole my life from me. I have been in and out of therapy for years.
I have had many bad relationships. I don't know how to love me, and I don't know how to love God or man. I am on a spritual path now, seeking God's comfort. I know the incest was not my fault, yet I have punished myself all of my adult life because I thought I was guilty of bringing it on. I have fought for my sanity and for my life everyday. I am no longer ashamed of myself, yet I still abuse my body by staying overweight so men won't be attracted to me. I am married to a man who seems in no way to comprehend the damage done to me. Most of the time I just wish my life would end, I am so tired of fighting my thoughts. I'm not suicidal, unless you call smoking a slow suicide. It is hard not to hate my dad for ruining my life emotionally.
He has admitted it was wrong and he is so sorry he did it. But I will survive. I have to. I have to find peace before i die. I hurt for every woman out there who is a victim of incest. God help us all.