Brian! Meet Brian!

How did I meet Brian? Well, Brian and I met through his work. He was a checker and I was a customer. I was purchasing stuff to make lasagna and Karen, who was with me, was insistent that we go through this `Brian's' line. I was tired and had just gotten done teaching swim lessons, so I looked wonderful in my swim suit and lifeguard shorts. To please Karen we went through his line. Our eyes met and they just stuck! HE WINKED AT ME! HE WINKED AT ME AGAIN! As soon as Karen and I got outside, I flipped! "DID YOU SEE THAT?! HE WINKED AT ME! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HE WINKED AT ME!" I went back to the store a couple of days later to see if he was just a flirt, and he winked again. This time he winked when I was in the back of the line...I thought that was pretty sure that he wasn't just flirtatious with everyone! I left and two hours later I gave him my phone number..and he called me! I was walking on cloud nine for a looooong time...a little over two years to be exact. He was my knight in shining armor.

Before I go any further let me tell you about Brian. Brian has a great love for God and for telling people of his wondrous love. He loves to read the bible and devours the words that are there in its numerous pages. He wants badly to do missionary work somewhere and we hope to as soon as he finishes school, gaining his degree in Theology. He hopes to have that done in the next four years. He enjoys traveling a great deal, especially if I am driving (just kidding :] ). He likes dogs more than cats, and enjoys torturing our cats... :]. He is a very talented volleyball player and unfortunately doesn't get many opportunities to do this. Whenever he gets the time he enjoys playing his guitar and singing to me. On one of my birthdays he sang "Love me Tender Love me True" but instead of saying tender he said Terra. I thought that was very sweet.

About six months into our marriage we hit a lot of hard times. I was very uninterested in intimacy with him, and I was crying a lot. It was difficult for both of us to understand each other and for a long time we went without that understanding. We have both done a lot of growing together, and I can't think of anyone that I would have rather grown with than Brian. He has been the best husband, and lover, I could ever have dreamed up. This is so much better than a dream, though, it is real...and now I am beginning to be able to feel the love that surrounds me in the morning when I get up and at night when I go to bed, and during the day it just keeps filling itself. As a sexual assault supporter Brian has a hard time. He is a great supporter, but it is difficult for him to talk about it. I hope that eventually he will be able to express his feelings about his own experience, going through this with me, but until then...know that as a supporter of a survivor there are a lot of feelings. I want anyone who is a supporter to know that they are not alone...please feel free to write to us if you need understanding or just to talk. I would like to end this section about Brian by sharing a poem that he wrote for me after a long period of depression...

She Feels That She's Alone

I see her weeping there and ask for clarification
A valid response, but her weeping needs no explanation
The thoughts of his touch are beginning to fester
My well meant concerns, only seem to pester
She feels that she's alone

I love her more than mere words can ever explain
Still all my love can not take away her pain
She's held back her emotion far to long
I want it to be over with, but know that I am wrong
She feels that she's alone

Those senseless acts and hurtful deeds
Why did she have to be the recipient my mind pleads
But she's hurting now and I must fulfill her needs
Because to see her hurting, my heart bleeds
She feels that she's alone

Remember the time we said forever
And all the time we spend together
We were joined and now are one
Our life together has only begun
She is not alone

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